Twenty years ago I probably would've loved to have sex with her: she has more than a bit of the Naughty Librarian to her.

There is a girl who comes into the bar sometimes; she seems to have a crush on me. Others have noticed, and I am not oblivious to it. She is cute, smart, and as I have said before: I like the skinny girls who aren't too skinny. She is one of those.

The aforementioned others tease me, ask me what I am going to do about it. By which they mean why don't I fuck her. It is a good question.

She has graduated, and is going for her Masters. Twenty years ago I probably would've loved to have sex with her: she has more than a bit of the Naughty Librarian to her. Of course, twenty years ago I was legally an adult and she was probably two years of age. And that is the problem, really.

I can't help but feel that, in some inchoate way, I would be corrupting her. Not like I would turn her out and pimp her: not that kind of corruption. And I have heard that pimpin' ain't easy. I just don't want to be a ready-made shortcut for her to become part of a more adult world. Where people drink a lot.

She is staying in the University Bubble for a few more years: the real world is waiting for her. So many things for her are still abstractions; there are assumptions waiting to be tested. My particular abstractions are not really a suitable substitute for the real world. And I too still have some assumptions to be tested of my own.

Yes: I think that she would fall deeply in love with me, and, if I left her, she would be damaged forever. It would be like 'Pretty Woman' but with Richard Gere never coming back for her in the end. Which would then be a much different movie. Because that's the kind of guy I think I am. I am the Richard Gere who won't come back. Alcohol may have impaired my ability to be humble.



- james james

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