To which someone at the bar replies "What? You had naked pictures on your phone?"

I had previously mentioned the forlorn college girl at the bar who lost the expensive special coat from her father who isn't rich: people leave, and -- when they leave -- they forget things at the bar. Because: alcohol. And carelessness. But alcohol and carelessness go together like chocolate and peanut butter. And there are always people who will steal another person's chocolate peanut butter cups if they happen to be left unattended.

So: another story of a lost item at the bar.

And it's another college girl. Because of course it is.

Story pretty much begins the same way: college girl walks into a bar. She was drunk and left her iPhone there the night before. She probably has been passed out since then, because college girls and phones: if they are awake they are using it. So it is around three in the afternoon, and she noticed: no phone. And now she is at the bar, hoping some Good Samaritan turned it in.

Sometimes there are Good Samaritans who turn such things in: not everyone is an opportunistic thieving asshole. But there are a lot more opportunistic thieving assholes on the Ave than Good Samaritans, so: no phone.

What did her iPhone cost? Seven hundred dollars? Would you go to the bathroom at the bar and leave seven hundred dollars in twenties sitting unattended on your table? Because that is what you pretty much did. And you managed to leave, not remembering that, at one time, you had left seven hundred dollars in twenties sitting on your table. Alcohol and carelessness, and someone steals the figurative chocolate peanut butter cups.

So she is distraught. Her parents paid for that phone. Like the previous college girl's father paid for the missing coat. It seems like it is easier to forget something valuable if someone else actually paid for it. For you parents out there with daughters at college: keep this in mind. There are cheaper coats, and cheaper cell phones.

But it gets worse. She alludes to some 'things' on the now lost phone that she never wanted anyone to see. And now the opportunistic thieving asshole is no doubt seeing them.

To which someone at the bar replies "What? You had naked pictures on your phone?"  

That person may have been me, but I am leaving it as being said by a person at the bar: it is the question that matters, not the asker of the question. Stop looking at me.

She doesn't say yes, but she doesn't say no. So I take that to mean she had naked pictures on her phone. Which means that those pictures are probably now on the internet. Where they will be, forever. A piece of her privacy lost, and she will never be able to get it back. Someone is no doubt masturbating to those pictures right now. Your little girl. Another thing for you parents to remember when you are giving your college daughter an iPhone. I hope you realize I am helping you.


- james james

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