This makes some of the straight guys at the bar jealous: Fat Gay Sam can get laid, and they can't.


I mentioned Fat Gay Sam previously, as an example of a somewhat unfortunate nickname at the bar. Yes: he is fat. Yes: he is gay. But the nickname came from there being two Sams at the bar. The other Sam is lean, and hetero. When there are two people with the same name at least one of them will get a nickname. So: there is Sam, and there is Fat Gay Sam.

Of course, Fat Gay Sam could've been just Sam, and the other Sam could've maybe been Lean Straight Sam. But it usually doesn't work that way. The one farthest from the perceived norm gets the nickname. Unless the person closer to the perceived norm already has a cool nickname. Like Reno, say. Or Chain Dude. Then he gets his nickname, too. And -- no -- you cannot pick your own nickname. You will be laughed at mercilessly. Unless people are afraid of you. Then 'Eight Ball' it is. For instance.

This nickname dynamic happens outside the bar, of course, albeit in a more neutral form. Say there are two Johns in the office: to differentiate in conversation one might be called Tall John, and the other Short John. Because you have to give both a nickname so it doesn't seem like you are picking on one of them.

And Tall John isn't really that tall: he is just taller than Short John. Who really isn't that short. Tall John is also balding, and Short John is also fat. But you can't be caught in the office calling one Bald John and the other Fat John. Even though it would make the distinction much clearer. When women are involved it is even more carefully neutral: the Carol with eyeglasses, say. Who is significantly older than the Carol who doesn't wear glasses. Who is hot.

So: Fat Gay Sam. Fat Gay Sam is pretty comfortable with who he is. And part of who he is, is that he want to get laid on occasion. Not a lot of opportunities there at our bar for him. Not a lot of opportunities there for most of the regulars either, but Fat Gay Sam does something about it: he goes and hits the bars in Capitol Hill.

And then he sometimes gets laid. People think of the gay community as being obsessed with youth and fit bodies, and that is probably true for most. But there are some who aren't particularly young or particularly fit, and they want to get laid, too. And they often find each other. So Fat Guy Sam gets laid on occasion. Which is better than most of the guys at the bar.

This makes some of the straight guys at the bar jealous: Fat Gay Sam can get laid, and they can't. Well, there are differences: for one, Sam goes out and looks for it, he knows it is not going to come to him. Another difference is that straight guys need to find a woman who is looking for sex that night, or at least leaning that way; when both of the people are guys, and both are looking for sex: well, the chances of getting laid increase dramatically. Because most guys, gay or straight, want to have sex. That night. As I said: this makes some of the straight guys at the bar jealous.

Some at the bar have insinuated that Fat Gay Sam is a Bottom, and there are more Tops than Bottoms in the gay community, so his chances as a Bottom are better. By insinuated, I mean they have said that. This is pure speculation, I believe -- and, I suspect, sour grapes -- on their part: most straight guys' knowledge of the inner workings of the gay community comes from TV shows. Or the Internet. Or maybe one of the gay guys at the bar, who might just be an Unreliable Narrator.

There are a lot of Unreliable Narrators at the bar, gay and straight. Diversity.



- james james

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