They will now look hurt and stare at their drink, sulking. Do not apologize. You did nothing wrong.

At the bar there are several guys of a type: we will call them the Nice Enough Guy Who Won't Stop Talking. He is pleasant; maybe a little ragged, maybe nicely dressed: there isn't a specific type for this type. Other than the fact that, if you engage him in a pleasantry he will now begin talking with you. And he won't stop talking.

Like I said, he is a Nice Enough Guy: he is not like some of the Ragged Crazies outside who don't stop talking because the Voices In Their Head don't stop talking. And they are not pretending it is conversation: it is decidedly a monologue, if not a particularly coherent one.

The Nice Enough Guy Who Won't Stop Talking, though: he thinks you are now having a conversation. Of which your part is to nod in agreement and occasionally say 'Yeah' or 'That sucks.' Depending on what he is going on about.

It could be a particular sports player he is talking about -- a guy who isn't as good as everyone thinks he is, say. Or a co-worker. Who isn't as good as everyone thinks he is. Sometimes an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, who isn't as good as everyone thinks she is, because she's really a snake and a bitch. Maybe even a cheating whore.

The Nice Enough Guy Who Won't Stop Talking never gets the hint that you are wanting to disengage from this dialogue. If you turn your head, he will keep talking. If you begin to talk to someone else, he will keep talking. If you go to the bathroom, when you return, he will still be talking.

I will be polite for a few minutes, to see if the guy will run out of steam. On rare occasions The Nice Enough Guy Who Won't Stop Talking does. At which point you never, under any circumstances, say a word to him: because it will start again, and you will be kicking yourself for your unforced error.

If the guy doesn't run out of steam I will politely but firmly say 'Thank you, but I've had enough of this particular conversation.' Some will actually stop talking -- probably because some of these guys don't have another conversation subject ready to start. The idea to switch from the sports player who isn't as good as everyone thinks he is, to the co-worker who isn't as good as everyone thinks he is, hasn't occurred to him yet.

They will now look hurt and stare at their drink, sulking. Do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. If you apologize he will start another story, because -- oh, yeah -- he does have another conversation ready: this one is about how people don't understand him. Again: polite. Firm. Do not apologize.

This doesn't always work. Sometimes you just have to say 'will you please shut the fuck up.' And, again: polite. Firm. Well, maybe not polite. But, again: do not apologize. And there is no need to bring his mother into this: when it is time to break out the epithet Motherfucker you will know it. And you won't feel like apologizing, so no worries there. Unless you are the kind of guy who feels sorry for saying that after a few more drinks, If you are that guy, and you go to him to apologize, well: you brought it on yourself.


- james james

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