A lot of men don't realize that the interior of their car often gives off a faint serial-killer air.

The dreaded male gaze. Lighter to the cigarette.

When I am at the bar and in the mood for a brief facsimile of love I look for the out-of-town girls. With that 'male gaze' thing.

The regular girls at the bar: well, they are regulars, so you will see them again, and it will get complicated. And those complications will arise when one of the two involved is really drunk. And it is a bar, so the 'really drunk' is pretty sure to happen. Just thinking about it makes me want to be sober for a day. Or have a drink. One or the other.

So: the out-of-town girls.

The out-of-town girls are in Seattle on business, or tourists, or visiting a friend. And now they are in the bar. So: they want a bit of time away from what they came here for. Oh: and they probably have a hotel room. Which is good, because I don't want them to know where I live: I don't now need a stalker from, say, Montana.

How do you know they are out-of-town girls? Well, for one, you can usually tell by looking at them. They do not have the Seattle vibe. What is the Seattle vibe? It is akin to the New York 'leave me alone' vibe, but passive-aggressive. With a poorly-concealed desire to be considered hip.

Also: when the bartender welcomes them, they will usually mention how they are from out-of-town. Which is a pretty good clue.

Maybe they will look a bit bored. They will half-heartedly scan their phone. This is another clue: people in Seattle focus on their phones like their lives depended on it. Or at least that their Facebook Life depended on it. If you want to be seen as one step ahead, you need to know what you need to be one step ahead of.

If I am interested I will approach them, smile, and welcome them to Seattle. Not all of us are unfriendly here.

Then I will ask them what medications they are on.

This actually works sometimes.

If they say 'no medications' then you remark something to the effect of 'you really aren't from Seattle, are you?' This can proceed to banter. I have banter like Romney had binders. Word.

If they say they are on psychiatric meds you are one step closer. Compare notes, develop a rapport.

If they say they are on painkillers: jackpot.

You and her hit it off. Remember: she is bored, most likely. Just don't be an asshole. It is also important to be in good hygiene: that can be a deal-breaker. A lot of guys in Seattle take themselves out of the running on this one: bad hygiene with a big hipster beard? She is already unconsciously reaching for the travel-size hand-sanitizer in her purse. So: courteous and clean. Simple, sometimes.

Even if you have your car parked outside, take a taxi to her hotel. A lot of men don't realize that the interior of their car often gives off a faint serial-killer air. Especially in Seattle: Ted Bundy, Gary Ridgway and all that. You won't probably know why there is that serial-killer air; it doesn't matter. Unless you do know why, which is a set of circumstances for another time. Regardless: no nervous laughter. That should be obvious.

Again: take the taxi. And pay for it, even if she says she has an expense account. It is in the details, people.

So now you are in the hotel room. From here on out I can't really help you: there are a lot of subtle clues occurring where you just have to be there, and when you are there you need to be able to recognize what is signal and what is noise. 

One of the most important clues you need to recognize: when she wants you to leave. You should stick the landing on this one, so everybody leaves feeling it was a good light diversion. Overstaying your welcome makes her realize she is in a hotel room with a stranger, and now there is that serial-killer air again.

Of course, some Seattle girls like that serial-killer air. A little danger, a little edge, a bit of Daddy Issues.

I could probably help you with that, too, but perhaps another time.

The male gaze: yeah, I got that.



-jj

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